Boo, Mrs. Welder!

So I'm sitting here, looking at the blank screen feeling like I need to write.  I have two pictures that I can add to this post...they aren't exciting, pretty, high-quality or even interesting but they somehow seem important. 

I struggle with myself.  I think we all probably do-or I tell myself that so I don't feel so alone.  I mean, I drive myself nuts.  Sometimes I wish I could just not hang out with me.  That I could just slam the door and leave myself.  I worry, I nag, I complain, I am negative, my grass is always brown, while yours is always greener.  I'm ugly and not pleasant to be around.  No matter what you do for me, it's never enough. 

Why do I get this way?  I'm good at excuses and could think of lots of reasons...but I won't because excuses are just excuses.  I want to be full of joy, not excuses.  The most joyful parts of life and moments I want to remember are those I normally post about.  But maybe it's time I'm real and take time to reflect on and remember my weak, ridiculous moments too.  Those moments count just as much and maybe they are even a little funny after the heat of the moment passes.  The sad thing is that even after the heat cools and the little chuckle can make it to the surface, the things I said, the looks with meanness in my eyes...they don't just magically melt away.  I hurt your feelings.  I need and want to do better.  I want to find joy in the small things.  I'm determined that those who do are those that are truly joyful. 

This isn't the first time I've told myself I would look at life through rose colored glasses and be this way.  Dang, it sounds so easy but it is so hard.  Like why do I take everything so seriously?  Why do I feel guilty if I don't accomplish this, this and this?  Why do I worry that my work is not good enough, that I am not smart enough to produce what is expected?  Why do I always say the wrong things and have the dumbest answers?  Why do I care what people think?  (I don't know, but pushing the publish button on this post, if I actually do it, will be hard even after this pep talk...sometimes it is so hard to tell on yourself.)

 I know I'm rambling, buying time, beating around the bush, that is what I do.  What I'm trying to tell you is that sometimes Mrs. Welder sucks.  She is a needy brat.  And I think you deserve to know that.  And though I brag about Mr. Welder some, he deserves much more.  (Note to Mr. Welder: Yes, I would be saying this even if you did not surprise me by taking me to lunch and to the thrift store...though that does deserve some extra bragging.)  This man puts up with me and my craziness and has actually gotten pretty good at it over the years.  He is the most loving person (well, he might tie with my mom) and really does love me even when I am far from being loveable.  I don't deserve him, but if I shut up and learn to love the speakers, can I keep him?

It all started on our way upstairs to finally post an update on the Weld House Homes blog.  Yes, we have quite a few exciting things to share and it's my fault you still have no update.  (I hope ya'll still like me after this post...)  I noticed the end table moved from beside the couch to underneath the window.  I asked Mr. Welder why it was moved and he told me he thought it looked nice there.  I really thought I knew something about design and told him all the reasons why the table would not work there.  (See I told you I was way too serious about everything.) To get me to stop blabbing, he interrupted and told me that actually he'd been working on something over there.  So I looked and looked and didn't notice anything.  I tried to think of something on the to-do list that is in this area of the house...and nothing came to mind when he told me the wires were no longer hanging out of the ceiling.  Mr. Welder bought speakers and I thought the world was coming to an end.  I got so mad (which lead to acting like a fool) and now I am not sure why I was so mad.  Please tell me you do that too sometimes!?!? 

Anyways, let me turn the blaring music down, so I can concentrate to end this post.  We no longer have wires hanging out of our ceiling in the den.  We have speakers-two of them, to add to the other two on the opposite wall.  I am not going to focus on the wires we still have hanging out in the breakfast nook and I almost forgot about those hanging out upstairs, and those that are hanging out on the porch are almost a blur and kind of blend in with the rock.  I am focusing on the finished speaker cover looking way nicer than dangling wires.  I am focusing on the happiness they bring Mr. Welder.  I am focusing on how we can supply music for our neighbor's dance party if we are ever asked.  I am focusing on being a happy, grateful wife.  I am focusing on paying attention to see if Mr. Welder's lips are moving...as that is my cue to remove the cotton balls from my ears...

Love you, Mr. Welder

*By the time I actually posted this (was blogger messing up for you too?), the wires in the breakfast nook were shoved back up in the ceiling, so we have even less wires hanging out!  I don't know if I should credit that to Mr. Welder thinking things are finally getting loud enough or to his fear that an irrational wife might appear again...probably a little of both...either way I am focusing on less dangling wires!  We're having people over on Sunday so Mr. Welder has also been finishing up lots of little loose ends and crossing items off the to-do list.  We should have people over more often.  It really gets this man focused.  (I guess being focused on making a living, putting food on the table, keeping customers happy is more important than a few door knobs and vents though.)  I'm hoping to share some later today, so we can focus on having Weld House fun and forget about bad Mrs. Welder :)